date: December 31, 2003
time: 4:30 p.m.
about: 50 things guys wish girls knew

50 Things Guys Wish Girls Knew

1. We don’t need to share our feelings, so consider yourselves lucky if we do.
2. We don’t need to work out because we’re stronger than you already.
3. Guys and girls like sex just the same supposedly, so you should give it to us more.
4. We all masturbate and assume that you do too, telling us otherwise is cruel.
5. We love porn.
6. Hmmmm...girls in Jeeps...dykes...
7. Guys need food, water, and sex to survive.
8. We think about having sex with you all the time.
9. Being able to give good head is more important being able to share your feelings.
10. We might thing you’re a dyke if you play field hockey or softball on a regular basis.
11. Touch our penis.
12. No woman drivers...NONE.
13. Guys don’t mind going down on you if you’ll do the same to them, quit making such a big deal out of it.
14. We’re not your all night therapist.
15. Anything we say or do during that 4 days to a week each month cannot be held against us because you’re being a bitch.
16. If we hold your hand while we are driving we want you to put it in our lap.
17. Hook us up with a threesome.
18. You look hot in nothing.
19. If you think for any reason that we like you then we probably don't.
20. Video game time is a sacred practice amongst males and if we let you be there, you should be honored.
21. All girls are high maintanance.
22. If we comment on how much you can eat, we’re impressed and mean no offense.
23. If you withhold sex because your mad, we’ll look for it elsewhere.
24. You just can't force us to like shopping, cats or your friends.
25. We're typically smarter than you...girls are just stupid
26. If you do not own crotchless panties, stop reading this list, and go invest in some...right now.
27. The ability to drink heavily will get you laid, like it or not.
28. We're sorry, the Olsen Twins are hot...get over it!!!
29. Walks in the rain, kisses on the forehead, and cooking dinner for you must be rewarded with oral sex.
30. Just because we're in a serious relationship doesn't mean we plan to marry you someday, so don’t expect a ring.
31. Our finger skills from video games only pertain to video games, using them elsewhere is a waste of our talents.
32. We can talk to and hang out with any girl we want, it’s not cheating, and you can hang out with other guys, we don’t give a damn.
33. We’re never wrong.
34. Don’t ask us to dance unless you intend on buying us a lot of alcohol first.
35. On that note, if you buy us said alcohol, expect us to grope other girls...and lots of them.
36. Don’t speak.
37. If you won’t kiss on the first date, put out on the second.
38. Make fun of our friends...prepare to die.
39. If we don’t offer to pay for you, it’s because we’re broke, we’ll pay when we can.
40. Tell us we're hung.
41. The "little things" in a relationship aren’t anything in particular and it’s just something stupid to talk about.
42. Foreplay requires effort on our part, so don’t be surprised if it doesn’t happen.
43. If we screw you over, we can kick your older brother’s ass, as well as your guy friends’, so tell them to bring it.
44. If we look at other girls, be thankful we’re not touching.
45. If you don’t want to have sex with us after we break up, then stay the hell away from us.
46. If you don’t want to be friends with benefits, don’t put yourself in that situation.
47. We’re not sensitive and you need to follow our example.
48. One word when it comes to smoking...quit.
49. We don’t mind you ex-boyfriends and may exchange funny stories about you with them.
50. If you’re going to fall, don’t wear those stupid high shoes.

Get to know it,
Drew

before | after

BUMP! - February 07, 2005
done...and this time, for good - November 18, 2004
a Democrat thinking like a Republican - November 11, 2004
go vote, get screwed - October 26, 2004
do you miss me? - October 12, 2004

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