time: 9:12 p.m.
about: my tendencies
I have tendencies. Not good ones, either. I do things for reasons that I cannot find and some of them only make myself laugh, but others make myself hurt. I don't know why they're there, but they're a part of me and, try as I may, I cannot seem to abandon them.
I have a tendency to make people feel stupid. I dismiss comments and stories as if they have no bearing on me. I say things that shoot down people and ruin any trace of a good mood. To me, it's sarcasm, but nobody else sees it that way. And to be honest, I shouldn't either.
I have a tendency to make my ego seem large. Again, this is my odd sense of humor doing it's magic, but all it does is make me seem like an egomaniac. I want people to laugh along with me, but all people can really think is, "Man, this guy is really into himself." And maybe I am, but I like to think (and really hope) that I'm not.
I have a tendency to be too loyal. This may not seem like a bad thing, but when it is grouped with my tendency to keep groups of friends separate, I end up getting caught between circles (one a rock and another a hard place). I fight within myself to try and do things with these people but I always end up going with that strongest circle of friends and leaving others wondering why I never do anything with them.
I have a tendency to keep my feelings inside. If I wrote down all my feelings and things going on in my life, there would be four entries a day in this journal. Keeping things inside is my way of dealing with them. I'm sure there are people that want to get inside me, but get frustrated when they find out my shell is thick and hard to crack. Which is very similar to my next item...
I have a tendency to be very silent. For the life of me, I cannot keep a conversation going. It just doesn't feel worthwhile when I know that it's imperative. I've lost pieces of my heart for this exact reason. Sure, there are people that I can talk easily to, but it's very rare to find someone that keeps me talking. And it's mostly their efforts keeping the words flowing from me. If I could only talk to people better and be more outgoing in conversation, my life would be radically different.
I have a tendency to be a perfectionist. I take charge and shrug off the ideas of others so that it's may way because I feel that my way is always the best way. I don't like to always have my way, I've definitely sacrificed my way for others before, but sometimes I think that if it's not done my way, it's excessive and pointless.
I have a tendency to not use enough windshield wipers. The low settings are there for a reason, they must want me to use them, but they obviously never do the job. Why I never just put them on high right away...we'll leave that to the powers that be.
I have a tendency to procrastinate. I don't study enough, that which I should be studying. Or if I do, I wait until the last minute. I wait until it screws me over and then I think to myself that I'm gonna lose it all just to have saved those 20 minutes two days ago.
I have a tendency to make people believe I don't know these tendencies.
I have a tendency to forget sign-offs,
Drew
done...and this time, for good - November 18, 2004
a Democrat thinking like a Republican - November 11, 2004
go vote, get screwed - October 26, 2004
do you miss me? - October 12, 2004
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